Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for Couples
At times, couples may find themselves in a relationship where they begin to drift apart and feel disconnected, alone, sad and hurt. In their best attempt to deal with the downward spiral, they engage in behaviours that only perpetuate their negative patterns of interaction. Specifically, partners may find themselves in situations where they feel:
- “stuck”, going around in circles trying to prove a point and/or be heard
- “empty”, “discouraged” and wondering if issues will ever get resolved
- “betrayed” by the partner or family member, left feeling devalued and unappreciated.
- “lacking “intimacy”, as if living with a roommate
HOW CAN I HELP?
In line with research, the purpose of couples’ sessions is to help you and your partner reconnect emotionally so both of you feel safe and secure in the relationship. When this safety and security is established, together you can better withstand many of the stresses that life presents to you.
In a safe atmosphere, I will assist you, as a couple, to identify both your negative patterns of interaction that result from the fights and arguments you may repetitively get stuck in, called “demon” dialogues, as well as help you identify the underlying emotions that accompany this pattern.
Expressing and sharing these most intimate emotions with each other provides the grounds and foundation for emotional reconnection and thus marital satisfaction.
WHAT IS EFT?
We are born to need each other. The human brain is wired for close connection with a few irreplaceable others. Accepting your need for this kind of emotional connection is not a sign of weakness but maturity and strength.
In fact, research in EFT shows that relationships and marriages often fail not because of conflict, financial problems or lack of sex, but rather because of emotional disconnection with our partners.
In her books “Hold Me Tight” and “Love Sense“ Dr. Sue Johnson explains this wired-in need for emotional contact and responsiveness from significant others. It is a survival need, just like when an infant/child seeks reassurance from his/her caregivers that they will be there for him/her in moments of distress.
Such attunement to these moments and needs assists us in regulating our emotions and thus feel safe and secure with our loved ones.